Kevin Durant is Going to Cost You

Kevin your mom is a fox. She'd look good in green.

As a Texas fan, now is the winter of our discontent. If you came to Austin you couldn't tell, however. The humidity is nearly unbearable and we've hit eighty degrees a few times in the last week. But, truly, these are the times that try souls when it comes to Texas basketball. Despite the sky high talent of the roster, Longhorn fans have endured a frustrating end to the season. First, there was the Kansas game in the Big XII championship that mirrored our previous performance against them. We had a big lead, all of the momentum, and then choked it away by playing the Mavs to their Heat. Then, in the first round of the tournament, we nearly blew what should have been a walk against vastly inferior New Mexico State. Finally, and possibly mercifully, we were knocked out by a USC team that just wanted it more. So what now?

I could pretend that there's a lot of things that this team has to consider. For example, what the hell happened to D.J. Augustin, the baffling game management of Rick Barnes, and recruiting for the upcoming season. However, the thing on everybody's mind is Kevin Durant. I realize that, in all likelihood, he will choose to go pro. The money waiting for him is excellent, and the risk for injury if he chooses to stay is large. However, he has not declared his intention for the draft, making him a taboo topic for anyone employed by an NBA team. So far, both Don Nelson and Michael Jordan have earned fines for mentioning him even in the most indirect way. Not to be out doofus-ed, Danny Ainge took the cake by sitting next to Kevin's mom during the Big XII tournament. While I love watching him be so stupid, and revel in watching him pay a fine for his trouble, truly, all this does is fill me with dread. Fines be damned: couldn't the NBA tell Danny he isn't allowed to draft Durant? I know they won't, but, seriously, the thought of seeing our golden boy mismanaged by the Boston idiot factory gives me chills. He deserves better! At least he could play for the logo in Memphis. Skip the draft this year, Kevin. Enjoy the cornucopia of beautiful women and delicious barbecue available to you here. Do whatever you can to stay out of Celtic green. I beg you.

I Would Like the Celtics to Win More Games

I represent a big shift in the culture of ESPN, because I'm a smarmy kid who went to prep school.

I find myself in a strange position lately. I've been enjoying seeing the Celtics on their four game winning streak. I was getting pretty discouraged, but this young team is coming together down the stretch and it's encouraging. Sure, they're out of the playoffs, but they have a chance to get out of the basement. I, for one, would love to see that. The thing is, I'm not a Celtics fan. I'm just a Bill Simmons non-fan. And if the Celtics winning a few games means Boston doesn't get their hands on my sweet baby Kevin Durant, then that's what needs to happen.

Bill Simmons has been openly salivating about the prospect of Durant landing in Beantown for a while now. I feel violated. There's no team I feel more strongly about than the Longhorns. And, there's no "journalist" I have grown to strongly dislike more than Bill Simmons. His extreme self-obsession, mind numbing repetition, and general assery are annoying of themselves. The knowledge that he represents a huge success story in sports media today is a curious statement on the genre. And, damn you Bill, I've enjoyed Kevin, and I don't want to share him with you.

I don't want to read you gloating about how he's on your team. I don't want him to become another object of your superiority complex. Watching Durant has been a rare experience. His absurd level of talent, calm, controlled demeanor, and incredible skill have made this my favorite Longhorn season ever. Seeing him play in person was something I'll remember for the rest of my life. I don't want those memories tainted by seeing him in green. I know how you people operate! You took Paul Pierce from the Big XII, too. He was beautiful! Now look what you've done to him...what Danny Ainge did to him. Kevin can't fix Danny, Bill.

So please, Celtics, pull together. Play harder than you ever have. Texans appreciate your dedication.

The Eternal Struggle

You know a rivalry is polarizing when it causes you to think illogically. I pride myself on trying to look past stereotypes. Ideally, I'd hope to overcome misconceptions and take every human being at face value. But when I think of Texas A&M Aggies, I immediately imagine them as redneck cavemen who are ready to invade Poland. This makes no sense. Some of my favorite people and closest friends in my lifetime went to A&M. But, when you say that, that word: Aggie...I don't know. I have bad thoughts. The better part of my nature says, "Hey, it's just a game." And then, there's the dominant portion that says, "They're all mongoloid hayseeds until they prove otherwise."

That's what makes college rivalries great. The emotions run deep and take over. Tonight's matchup between Texas and Texas A&M was no exception. This was one of those games that extend from wire to wire and leave you feeling spent. Twice, it looked like Texas was in a position to close out and seal the victory. Twice, the ball ended up in Acie Law IV's hand, and he made something happen. His performance was truly remarkable. There's no doubt in my mind he has a chance to be a remarkable player at the next level. The game almost slipped away from him multiple times, but he just willed the Aggies back into it. If Texas A&M can get their fouling under control, they're going to be terrifying in the NCAA Tournament.

But, Texas had answers. Kevin Durant was predictably clutch and incredible. So was D.J. Augustin, who'd be considered a much better prospect if he wasn't dribbling in Durant's shadow. This win may not put Texas over the top in the rankings, but it's a step in the right direction. More importantly, it's a huge psychological victory for a team that needed to prove its toughness to itself. The Aggies play a dirty and physical game, but Rick Barnes's team gritted their way through it. And besides, who wants to lose to cavemen twice a year?

Vince Young Continues to Spite Merril Hoge

Living in Houston isn't easy. It's a swamp. And, no, that isn't meant to be some catty comment about the humidity: it really is a swamp. There's a giant cauldron of bog water and feces directly in the center of the city. Beyond this obvious problem, Houston doesn't exactly have much to be proud of. It's infamous as the home of Enron, the fattest county in America, that place where there are two Starbucks across the street from each other, and the birthplace of Paul Wall. Still, people who make it theirs show a lot of pride. As stinky and ridiculous as Houston can be, they embrace it.


Would you embrace this man?

Well, there's this guy you may have heard of who grew up in the area. He played some college ball, did pretty well, and was hoping to come back and play for their team. That's despite the fact they'd never had a winning season as a franchise. It didn't matter that they'd been more famous for being inept and getting their quarterback sacked. Vince Young wanted to be the hometown hero. His belief in himself and his game was so absolute that he knew if he could get the opportunity, he wouldn't disappoint. And, he hasn't. He's defied the critics and the statistics junkies, and continues to win ball games. But not for Houston...

The Texans got a good long look at what they passed on as it ran right by them for a 39 yard game-winning TD. Houston did not play badly. David Carr was efficient, and Ron Dayne was a workhorse when they used him. But, Vince Young was better. He made a couple bad plays: one interception where he threw the ball sitting down to try to avoid a sack. But, when it counted, VY is a winner. The Titans knew that when they gave him the ball down the stretch, they could count on him to get it done. And he did. I have little doubt that Houston will get headed in the right direction eventually. Until then, the hometown kid who wanted to be their go-to guy will be torturing them twice a season.

Vince Young Wins Ballgames

I use this photo to keep me warm during this cold, cold winter.

A couple months ago, Vince Young's NFL career had been all but declared D.O.A. People loudly questioned every aspect of his game. How loudly? I think I'd be better off letting this gem by Merril Hoge speak for itself:

Vince Young clearly is not ready to step on the field in the National Football League. He did nothing during the preseason to prove that he can play, but here he is, (with) a coaching staff trying to implement gimmick college stuff to play in the NFL. When they asked him to drop back in a true pro-style look, he had no clue where to throw the football.

I appreciate that sports journalism is, by its nature, capricious. However, Vince got a rough ride. Everything from his throwing style, his speed, his decision making, and even his intelligence has been questioned. It's not unusual for college QB to take over a year to adjust to the speed and intricacies of the pro game. But every shortcoming was a reason to declare him a bust.

It doesn't seem like there's going to be much more of that talk. After last week's insane 21 point comeback, and yesterday's win against a team many consider to be the class of the AFC, the NFL is figuring out what Vince Young can do. He wins games. I'm not attempting to argue that he's not lacking some polish. His throwing style can be hair-raising, and he'll probably take a hard lick sooner or later that will convince him to run less. But, first and foremost, he's a winner. Whatever it takes, he figures out how to get it done. And as Norm Chow's system comes together and surrounds him with good players, he's only going to get better.

Bob Stoops: American Badass

I wish they'd mic him up for at least one game; the number of bleeps would be collossal.

Kid Rock, you're a faker. When I think of true American Badasses, your name does not come up. Bob Stoops, however, often does. I have yet soee a more ballsy and effective coach in college football. Watching him work against Nebraska last night in the Big XII championship, I couldn't help but be excited about the possibility of seeing him coach in the NFL one day. Sure, coaches who are great in the NCAA but fall flat in the pros are a dime a dozen. But his attitude, his poise, his youth, and his fearlessness makes me think there's no way he couldn't succeed if he put his mind to it.

I have mixed feelings about admitting this because I'm a diehard Texas Longhorn fan. And, I love Mack Brown. He brought us Vince Young (who's blowing up in the NFL right now, more on that later), and then a national championship. But he's more like a friendly grandpa than a fiery badass. When I see Mack upset on the sidelines, he seems to be pouting: like someone just took away his drivers license. When Bob gets upset, he's a tornado. Cursing up a blue streak (I'm sure), getting in the face of referees, and screaming at players. But he doesn't seem like a bully. He just wants his behavior to reflect his passion for the game.

Enduring defeats by the Sooners for the duration of my college career taught me to respect the man. Fourth down and one? Fuck it, let's go. Like I heard him say after the A&M game, "If we can't move a few inches, we don't deserve to win." Then he gets robbed by two ridiculously bad calls in one game: doesn't matter, he still takes the division. He loses his best player and his quarterback within a season. Most teams would be dead, but he put it together anyway. This man will just not go away. And if not for that goofy officiating in the Oregon matchup, we'd be talking about whether they deserved a shot at the title. So, I tip my hat to you, Robert A. Stoops, American Badass. Thank God we only have to play you once a year.