Kevin Durant is Going to Cost You

Kevin your mom is a fox. She'd look good in green.

As a Texas fan, now is the winter of our discontent. If you came to Austin you couldn't tell, however. The humidity is nearly unbearable and we've hit eighty degrees a few times in the last week. But, truly, these are the times that try souls when it comes to Texas basketball. Despite the sky high talent of the roster, Longhorn fans have endured a frustrating end to the season. First, there was the Kansas game in the Big XII championship that mirrored our previous performance against them. We had a big lead, all of the momentum, and then choked it away by playing the Mavs to their Heat. Then, in the first round of the tournament, we nearly blew what should have been a walk against vastly inferior New Mexico State. Finally, and possibly mercifully, we were knocked out by a USC team that just wanted it more. So what now?

I could pretend that there's a lot of things that this team has to consider. For example, what the hell happened to D.J. Augustin, the baffling game management of Rick Barnes, and recruiting for the upcoming season. However, the thing on everybody's mind is Kevin Durant. I realize that, in all likelihood, he will choose to go pro. The money waiting for him is excellent, and the risk for injury if he chooses to stay is large. However, he has not declared his intention for the draft, making him a taboo topic for anyone employed by an NBA team. So far, both Don Nelson and Michael Jordan have earned fines for mentioning him even in the most indirect way. Not to be out doofus-ed, Danny Ainge took the cake by sitting next to Kevin's mom during the Big XII tournament. While I love watching him be so stupid, and revel in watching him pay a fine for his trouble, truly, all this does is fill me with dread. Fines be damned: couldn't the NBA tell Danny he isn't allowed to draft Durant? I know they won't, but, seriously, the thought of seeing our golden boy mismanaged by the Boston idiot factory gives me chills. He deserves better! At least he could play for the logo in Memphis. Skip the draft this year, Kevin. Enjoy the cornucopia of beautiful women and delicious barbecue available to you here. Do whatever you can to stay out of Celtic green. I beg you.

The New York Knicks are Totally Fixed

When I was sitting down to put together some thoughts for this post, I realized how often I've talked about Isiah Thomas and the bizarre situation in New York. I'm not a Knicks fan. I'm just fascinated by how bad things have gotten. What would it take to make a regime change happen? It seemed that this would be the season where Isiah would finally end up unemployed. Then, maybe, the abused and overwhelmed Knick loyalists could move on.

Well, it doesn't look like that's going to be happening any time soon. In a stunning turn of events, Thomas has been given a multi-year contract extension as both coach and general manager. Admittedly, compared to last season, there has been a turnaround. Starbury has miraculously ceased to implode, Eddy Curry has started trying, Jamal Crawford has been huge, and David Lee has provided some excellent energy off the bench. They're in the hunt for the playoffs, and have rallied their way through tough injuries.

Still, this decision making seems, at best, extremely premature. Dolan had previously been firm that he would make no decision until after the season, which seemed like a logical idea. What changed? Wouldn't it make sense to take stock of the season as a whole, playoffs included? And even if you like the dynamic between Isiah and his players, why retain him as GM? Even if he is able to be effective as a coach, there's no question he's a complete disaster when it comes to personnel.

I should be eating more crow here. Isiah Thomas has managed to string together some wins, and he deserves credit for doing so. But, I can't help but feeling a palatable sense of dread when I consider the future of the franchise. Maybe I'll be completely proven wrong, and things will work out beautifully. But, I think Knicks fans have gotten a reminder. Isiah Thomas is a symptom, and James Dolan is the disease.

I Would Like the Celtics to Win More Games

I represent a big shift in the culture of ESPN, because I'm a smarmy kid who went to prep school.

I find myself in a strange position lately. I've been enjoying seeing the Celtics on their four game winning streak. I was getting pretty discouraged, but this young team is coming together down the stretch and it's encouraging. Sure, they're out of the playoffs, but they have a chance to get out of the basement. I, for one, would love to see that. The thing is, I'm not a Celtics fan. I'm just a Bill Simmons non-fan. And if the Celtics winning a few games means Boston doesn't get their hands on my sweet baby Kevin Durant, then that's what needs to happen.

Bill Simmons has been openly salivating about the prospect of Durant landing in Beantown for a while now. I feel violated. There's no team I feel more strongly about than the Longhorns. And, there's no "journalist" I have grown to strongly dislike more than Bill Simmons. His extreme self-obsession, mind numbing repetition, and general assery are annoying of themselves. The knowledge that he represents a huge success story in sports media today is a curious statement on the genre. And, damn you Bill, I've enjoyed Kevin, and I don't want to share him with you.

I don't want to read you gloating about how he's on your team. I don't want him to become another object of your superiority complex. Watching Durant has been a rare experience. His absurd level of talent, calm, controlled demeanor, and incredible skill have made this my favorite Longhorn season ever. Seeing him play in person was something I'll remember for the rest of my life. I don't want those memories tainted by seeing him in green. I know how you people operate! You took Paul Pierce from the Big XII, too. He was beautiful! Now look what you've done to him...what Danny Ainge did to him. Kevin can't fix Danny, Bill.

So please, Celtics, pull together. Play harder than you ever have. Texans appreciate your dedication.

The Next Best Thing to Being Nude

Remember Starter jackets? I was too broke to have a legit one. In '92 my mom took me to JC Penny's and I got the second tier version. Still, I loved that jacket. It was incredibly gaudy: a black, white, and red pattern with huge Chicago Bull head on the back. In fact, a sketchy girl in my class asked if she could 'borrow' it to wear to Six Flags over the weekend. Because I'm smooth, I didn't answer and ran the other direction.

The point I'm trying to make is, when you were young you were allowed to express your fandom with wild abandon. But, as I've aged, I've been struck by how ugly and sub-standard most fan gear is. So, let's say jerseys are just a little too much for you. You want good design, but the self-fellatio of Brand Jordan makes you nauseous. What are your options? Well, if you don't mind paying a premium, some of them are quite good.

Of the companies making high-end sports themed gear, each tends to offer a different aesthetic. Undefeated, the maker of the shirt pictured above, focuses on the raw power of athletics and their unspoken sense of intimidation. Supreme celebrates the dangerous and taboo, evident in their upcoming line centering around Mike Tyson. No Mas takes a more scholarly approach, using their encyclopedic knowledge to point out many of the more comic, and frequently tragic, aspects of sport. Under Crown celebrates the early 90's mingling of basketball and hip hop. Lemar and Dauley create gaudy reflections of the athlete as a larger than life star. FALSE recently got Kevin Garnett's blessing to collaborate on a series of tees. And this only scratches the surface.

I'm well aware the idea of a 'high-end t-shirt' is ridiculous. But for those of us who can stomach the price tag, there's an awful lot of cool stuff to be had out there lately.

The Eternal Struggle

You know a rivalry is polarizing when it causes you to think illogically. I pride myself on trying to look past stereotypes. Ideally, I'd hope to overcome misconceptions and take every human being at face value. But when I think of Texas A&M Aggies, I immediately imagine them as redneck cavemen who are ready to invade Poland. This makes no sense. Some of my favorite people and closest friends in my lifetime went to A&M. But, when you say that, that word: Aggie...I don't know. I have bad thoughts. The better part of my nature says, "Hey, it's just a game." And then, there's the dominant portion that says, "They're all mongoloid hayseeds until they prove otherwise."

That's what makes college rivalries great. The emotions run deep and take over. Tonight's matchup between Texas and Texas A&M was no exception. This was one of those games that extend from wire to wire and leave you feeling spent. Twice, it looked like Texas was in a position to close out and seal the victory. Twice, the ball ended up in Acie Law IV's hand, and he made something happen. His performance was truly remarkable. There's no doubt in my mind he has a chance to be a remarkable player at the next level. The game almost slipped away from him multiple times, but he just willed the Aggies back into it. If Texas A&M can get their fouling under control, they're going to be terrifying in the NCAA Tournament.

But, Texas had answers. Kevin Durant was predictably clutch and incredible. So was D.J. Augustin, who'd be considered a much better prospect if he wasn't dribbling in Durant's shadow. This win may not put Texas over the top in the rankings, but it's a step in the right direction. More importantly, it's a huge psychological victory for a team that needed to prove its toughness to itself. The Aggies play a dirty and physical game, but Rick Barnes's team gritted their way through it. And besides, who wants to lose to cavemen twice a year?

Tim Hardaway Opposes Your Gay Agenda

When John Amaechi came out, it became inevitable that someone was going to say something stupid. Shavlik Randolph, Steven Hunter, and others made some ignorant comments. Nothing particularly strong or hateful, just middle-school insecurity. I should be encouraged by this. Hell, it'd be great to think that everyone in pro sports was ready to accept the idea of a gay teammate. I'm sure most athletes have played with homosexuals during their careers, but a world where jocks felt free to be out in public would be very different. Still, there was a small part of myself that couldn't wait for the NBA's Carl Everett, whoever he might be, to stick his foot in his mouth. You know, to use a public platform to declare his opposition to the gay/dinosaur invasion. To take a stand against John Amaechi and his vile plans to subvert pro basketball with the collaboration of Fagosaurus Rex.

Tim Hardaway may not have taken it that far, but he got his sneakers pretty well planted in his throat. On Dan Le Batard's radio show, the former Warriors and Heat star made a series of inflammatory comments when asked how he'd react to having a gay teammate. When the host gave him an opportunity to soften his stance, Hardaway refused, proudly labelling himself a homophobe. Tim didn't stop there, using a later interview to claim that his feelings were shared by many NBA players, and that he'd hate a gay family member too. How incredibly sad. Amaechi got it right when he responded that Hardaway's comments weren't the problem. The fact is, he's probably speaking for a lot people. Most are probably just too smart to blow endorsement and other employment opportunities for the sake of getting their opinion out there.

Now we get to the strange part. The object of so much of my ire up until this point, Isiah Thomas, has been the gold standard in responding to this situation:

We're a diverse society. We preach acceptance. We're proud of our diversity. No matter what your sexual preference might be, there's an acceptance and a tolerance level that should be accepted everywhere. No one should be excluded. Sports has always been a testing ground for what society will or won't accept. We accept and we embrace diversity. If we're not tolerant, we'll become tolerant...If it's in my locker room, we won't have a problem with it. I can't speak for somebody else's locker room, but if it's in mine, we won't have a problem. I'll make damn sure there's no problem.

Wow. I feel so conflicted! This is like when I started to see Kobe like something other than a total ball hog. I don't know how to feel. Isiah Thomas said and did the right thing, and came off as genunine when he did it? Where exactly do I go from here? Say what you want about Isiah, I know I have, but he's not a homophobe. So, to review, he's a terrible GM, an iffy coach, a bad businessman, a serial groper, a baby seal clubber, but not a homophobe.

Prince Declared MVP of Super Bowl XLI

After confirmed badass Devin Hester ran back the opening kickoff for 92 yards and a touchdown, it appeared that all was right with Super Bowl XL1. The scrappy underdog was winning, Peyton Manning was pouting, and the biggest game of the year was being played outside in real football weather. Peyton's opening drive did little to dismiss his reputation as a lifelong choker. He threw two passes that should have been interceptions, and then finally the Bears obliged him with a pick. Things did not look good.

Of course, we all know that four hours later, he'd pulled it out anyway. The monkey was off his back, now Dan Marino can get back to being Dan Marino, etc. But, for all the credit that was due, I could not help but chafe when he was named MVP. Hadn't they been watching the game? Dominic Rhodes and Joseph Addai solidified that victory: wasn't it obvious? Maybe he was awarded the trophy as a study in contrast. That is, he's not Rex Grossman, so he was a shoo-in.

Maybe this sounds like sour grapes, but it's not. Peyton Manning is a good quarterback, and the story of "will he ever win the big one" was getting so old it's not even funny. But nothing Peyton did in the Super Bowl screamed MVP, and his performances in the rest of the playoffs were even worse. Manning finished with 3 touchdowns and 7 interceptions after four games. That's just embarassing! If the Colts had lost, everyone would be publicly taking him to task for letting down his team. But thanks to the brilliant coaching of Tony Dungy, he's raking in the kudos. Serious, hats off to Dungy. Peyton hasn't changed a bit: he still sucks in the playoffs. His coach just figured out how to work around it.