Thursday, July 15, 2010

Dwyane is the Man Who Will Fight For Your Honor

Exciting news! Today, Dwyane Wade is here to tell you that LeBron James didn't quit against Boston. He drove this home by stating "he's not a quitter". (!!!) Yes, the Decisioneers are in championship form already, talking about all kinds of things. They're happy! The Lakers are good! They've been talking about playing together for a while, but not really! Is it just me, or does it feel like the Decision has been on repeat in your brain for the last week? If there was any justice in this world, all of LeBron's life choices would include an hour long televised hand job in a rich neighborhood. The main failure of my life is that this is not the case.

LeBron is not a very smart man. Demanding national airtime so you can tell a girlfriend that it's not her, it's you: less than savvy. Being surprised at the backlash? Also evidence that you are getting bad advice! But, let's be fair. Dan Gilbert is also not thinking very clearly. He has a lot on his plate: yes. But, in his own suave way he has written another plot twist in Sports Tragedies of Cleveland. I don't even know where to start on the whole Comic Sans issue. He just shouldn't have been allowed on his computer for a week or so. Dan's people, lock him out of his office for a while. he will thank you when the steam stops pouring out of his ears.

Overall, it would be great if we could move on. I think this is a spectacular disaster. I have never seen a free agency period with so much blood letting and self flagellation. Can we let it go? It's over with! We just need appropriate punishments for all parties. ESPN can only run actual sports or SportsCenter. No specials! You have specialed yourself out. LeBron and all involved parties, please be silent. High five in private, just let this peter out until the season starts. Dan Gilbert...I feel for you. But some quiet time will do you good.