Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Breaking: LeBron and Tom Brady Have Something in Common

Mr. Spontanayus has been unable to type recently because his hand was crushed after shaking with a wrestler. But, he trained a dog to transcribe his thoughts, and sends this along...

I suppose you could call what we've been doing "Heat hatin'." So I'll do two things: (1) say that I am surprised and impressed with how dominant the Heat have been the past two games because Wade, Bosh, and James have all been excellent; (2) keep "hatin'." [Editor's note: this was submitted before last night's OT loss. If the Heat finish off the Bulls, the only hope for democracy and freedom is a German with chin pubes. The Marshall plan worked!]

While watching the game two days ago, I noticed that LeBron James' headband is totally ineffective: it's too high. A headband is designed to catch brow sweat and prevent it from getting in the player's eyes. Thus, unless James produces an exorbitant amount of sweat from the crown of his head (not the one on his head of course), his sweatband is useless. I know that sweatbands also make you look really cool, and LeBron looks really cool, especially when he wears clothes with his name on them. I just don't think that this is the reason that LeBron wears his headband. Perhaps it is effective. It's covering his male-pattern baldness.

LeBron didn't wear his headband so high as a rookie in 2004. He didn't wear it so high when he won the MVP at 25 year old in 2009, though it was a little higher. I suppose the hair loss hit him extremely hard in the last few months. Perhaps it was the stress of "The Decision," and becoming reviled by a once adoring public. Perhaps he's actually 35. Perhaps he has one unfortunate gene. I don't know, and LeBron probably doesn't know.

I admit I won't be cheering for the Heat. But I don't actually consider the above "hatin'." I just think LeBron is very very silly.

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